And… a book review :)

I’m an excellent reader. Did you all know that? It’s kind of my “thing” or as my sister would put it, “It’s my signature.”

I started reading when I was three and never looked back. My dad even took me to one of those genius doctors where they make you put the squares in the holes or whatever but I wasn’t “genius enough” I guess or maybe, just maybe, the holes were TOO GODDAMN SMALL…but I digress

So I’m not a genius. I’m just what they call “smart” and I’m telling you this in order to justify the fact that I spent a good hour and a half playing WWF on my iPhone when I should be choosing and brainstorming the book I want to review on here.

Anyway, I found a great book to review and it deserves to be the first book and its called: Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse.

The novel Siddhartha was one of the assigned readings on my ninth grade English Literature class reading list, and I started to read it on a rainy afternoon. It kept my interests up enough to finish the book in a couple of hours which is pretty rare. It’s very simple, thought provoking and you will appreciate it for what it gives you.

For me, the most compelling component of this character is the way he sits down at crossroads’ in his life, thinks for a while, then gets up and says “that’s not for me, I’m going in a completely different direction” and then he just does…right then. I think we could all learn something there.

I remember that I was very moved by it. It taught me how to appreciate the journey of finding ones self in the pursuit of goals. It introduced me to Eastern philosophy and opened a wide range of books for me to explore. Many which I will review on here.

It’s one of my favorites and I would review it many times because it has the fond little place in my heart as being one of the books I picked up and couldn’t put down.

Hey, look at this or whatever

Sorry for my lack of a creative title, but my fingers are itching to type up what happened today. I was in my Sociology class doing my learning and what not when I received a text from my brother who raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarely texts saying, ” A, I’m in jail! Call F and tell him to come pick me up. Don’t tell anyone. I need you two to come and bail me out. I didn’t pay my fees for a movie I rented, so the cops found me. Please help me!!”

I PANICKED!

I literally ran out of class while people were looking at me like what the hell is wrong with her. I called him but he didn’t pick up so I called my other brother who picked up and told me that he’s at a meeting which he can’t get out of. Of course I’m thinking WTF! He’s your brother Goddammit! Screw the meeting. But his meeting seemed more important then his brother being behind bars.

My panic increased to a level of overwhelming anxiety because he’s relying solely on me now. I texted, “What Jail are you in? Wait. I’m 18 and Saudi am I allowed to bail you out?”

He didn’t respond.

A few agonizing minutes later he texted, “Just kidding! Go back to class kiddo.”

:O :O :O

Just to let you know, pranks are my PET PEEVES! They aren’t funny OK pranksters? You are just wasting all of the prankee’s (is that even a word?) energy and stress for nothing -.-

Of course the brother who was at a meeting was in on it too. I guess they needed to dramatize the prank so I’d be just short of having a stroke!

Now. How should I get him back?! Yes, I am stooping as low as he did because I want him to get a taste of his own medicine.

I’m becoming one, and that’s not a good thing.

The thing I really like about me is this: I immediately know when I am screwing up and acting like a bitch. I like it because it alerts me and says to me, “Hey wait! Don’t act like a biatch, because you are soooo not one.”

The thing I really hate about me is this: I NEVER LISTEN.

I’m no good when it comes to anger. I say things I don’t mean and I am never rational in what I say. Then, after I’ve said and acted like an asshole, I enter a world of guilt and self-hatred because I know I am not like that.  I know I didn’t mean what I said and I know that my voice should’ve been lowered.  However, I can never take back what I said or how I said it.

The thing is, I realize this every single time my anger spikes, but I never learn to lower my voice nor switch my brain on when I am angry and actually start thinking through things before acting like a jerk.

The other thing is, while I was in the midst of an argument today, the whole you’re-acting-like-a-bitch-stop-it warning came into my head, but it was too late. I bursted out in a yelling match and that’s when I felt that I was becoming my mother.

And. That. Made. Me. Feel. God-Awful. AND SCARED!

Because this is how she acts towards me when she’s upset. And do you know how BAD I FEEL when my mom reacts this way at me?

I feel so HORRIBLE! I feel so horrible that I want to throw up!

Therefore, I understood what went through my sister’s heart today as I yelled at her face. I understood because I’ve been through it with my mom. I know it sucks and I know it hurts. OH GOD how I know it hurts!! And I am sorry.

I am so sorry.

Sometimes, I am not a nice person.

Sometimes, I do not enjoy being a girl in America.

I am sick. And when I’m sick all I can do is talk about how sick I am and how much being sick hurts and sometimes burns my eyes and also, how I’m sick. And that is BORING, am I right? So I will attempt to not talk about how sick I am and how it BURNS. My eyes.

I stayed up late last night to watch The Hills (yes, I realize 10:30 may not be late to most of you, but to me it’s the equivalent of four o’clock in the morning – IT’S THE SAME THING OKAY?) and aside from the fact that Mariah Carey was higher than a kite and rambled on and on about burning her hair on a curling iron or something and really, someone should tell her that the smell of burning hair could mean she’s having a stroke, it was obvious to everyone that Whitney and Lauren were making her tremendously self conscious with their youth and useless beauty.

Meh.

And when the lady asked Mariah about her figure, she said, I swear to God, she said, “The diet part is really boring but then we can fit into our dresses, right?”

And then I immediately got up, ate a bunch of chocolate, and cut all my hair off.

NO! No, I did not do that. My hair is my power.

And I know, I KNOW it is my fault for supporting shows like The Hills in a passive way, but even if I didn’t watch it, I’d still be all caught up in the Beauty Myth because I live here in America where nothing is ever good enough and these last pounds of weight make me feel like a failure even though I bought the two best pairs of jeans ever yesterday and blah blah etc. Feminist, diet, etc, crap.

So what to do, what to do? I don’t want to bitch about it forever and I really like shopping and wearing lip gloss and thinking about shoes 30 percent of the time so I guess I’ll just suck it up and walk it off. Basically, I’ll pretend that being female in America is exactly like ninth grade gym class.

NO! No, wait, I don’t want to do that at all.

Sometimes I have stupid ideas.

Help me help you

Just wanted to pop in for a little update. I’m back to my usual self, alhamdullah not so gloomy any more all thanks to my sister, sister-in-law and your wonderful comments.

I am thinking about a lot of things lately. One of which is this place. I want to skew my blog into a new direction. Little less about me and more about you! I want to do something more than just a personal blog. I just don’t know what yet. My sister suggested I change it into an “advice column” blog and give advice. I just don’t think many people would want to take advice from a first-year psychology student . Not so high on my credentials. My other sister suggested I do book reviews about the self-help/inspirational books I read. A lot of wonderful ideas. I just don’t know yet. I’ll have to keep on thinking

What do you think? What would you like to see in a blog that would help you? Do you have anything in mind? I am open to all suggestions

Battery low

There are so many things I want to say. So many emotions and thoughts I want to sort out, but I don’t have the energy. Maybe because I’m overwhelmed and stressed I can’t seem to think about things just yet.

I promised myself that I would work on this depressed mood I’ve developed around the beginning of my teenage years, but now I’m letting it take over.
I don’t have the energy to fight it.

Sorry for being emo.

Be happy.

Twenty Ten!

It’s that time of the year! Or end of the year. Although I’m gonna miss 2009, I can’t wait for 2010. We all need new beginnings in our lives, don’t we? God knows I screw up more than I succeed and this is why I need a new page in my life.

I sat down yesterday after watching Alvin and the Chipmunks (Which has to be on your movie list next to It’s Complicated) and decided to jot down what I want to achieve for the next year. You know, the cliche-ish”new year resolutions.” I started out with 10 and today I finished off with 34 It seemed too much and so I went back to 10. Along with the  goals I want to achieve before I’m thirty, I created a list of goals to achieve to make a better me.

1) Remember, read, pray to Allah and understand who prophet Mohammad (PBUH) was.

2) Keep my PT, gym membership and exercise in between

3) Comment on blogs often and write on my blog at least twice a week.

4) Read the three books I bought and bye some more

5) Find an internship

6) Find a professor to assist on research\ Create my own research

7) Keep in contact with friends

8- Make straight A’s

9) Go to GRE tutoring\classes

10) Develop a better relationship with my mother

I’m ready iA!

I want to make this a tag! So, I will tag the following….. Hmmm I tag whoever reads this post!

If you prefer to post your new year resolutions on my blog than yours, you are more than welcome to do as you please!

I can’t wait to read your goals!!

IM is still here!

YOU GUYS! I went to New York!

Goodness, seems like ages since I’ve updated. Twitter, you guys, is addicting! It’s like my own mini blog that I can take wherever I go. I can’t stop twittering long enough to blog about anything.

But, I’m here. I’m up. I’m typing. And like I said, I went to The Capital of the World! It’s my third time, but it seems so special this time

Lets start off with the best and the worst.

Best part: No parents!

Worst part: No brother

He left for a 5 month trip to Saudi last Tuesday. I mean seriously! Why would he do that to me . Anyway, let’s just say that no matter how solid and warm fuzzy feeling you think a brotherly love is, it sucks once they leave

I was wounded about this and spent half of the time in New York… sad. But, my brother and sister were the best! They were awesome! They had the best attitude and were so patient with my shitty attitude. They even got tickets to see Hamlet on Broadway, and they hate Shakespeare! aaah Gracias por mi familia !

That play was very therapeutic for me. Who knew the tragedy would cheer me up . Originally, Jude Law was to play Hamlet, but they had an alternate that evening. He was OK. No scratch that. He was brilliant It was my first Broadway show and was very entertaining!

The next day was even better! I shopped at Soho. I went to every store and bought everything I laid my eyes on. Was I doing some retail therapy? Who knows, but it was very fun right right? It’s about the fun, not the money riiight?… screw money… we own money, it doesn’t own us….who cares about a green piece of paper… HA! i spit on money!…

oh god i’m broke

Anyways, I wont bore you with much detail.. Look at these pictures

My brother looking like he didn't know his picture was taken Classic

It was fun

There was still so much to see! I didn’t get to see lady liberty or go up the empire state building or see the wax museum… but there is always next time insha allah.

Now, If you are ever in New York make sure you: Never eat at Times Square! – that’s the best tip I can give you!

That’s it for now, adios!

Surprise, surprise!

A recent ubiquitous report in the New York Daily left many Saudis angry and humiliated. Saudi student Abdulsalam S. Al-Zahrani was charged with second degree murder in stabbing and killing professor Richard T. Antoun. His act left no indication of religious or ethnic motivation. However, many Saudis who carry tribal last names disagree on the ethnic part. This news was the talk of many dinner table conversations, Saudi gatherings, Saudi students and so forth.

Because Abdulsalam carried the last name, Al-Zahrani, many people’s remarks were, “Ugh those ‘Zahranis’ are rediculous!”, “Expected from Jizani people!”, “May God Damn those ‘Zahranis’.”

I was at Starbucks with two of my friends and the subject was brought up. We were discussing it, when one particular friend -who I find is on the same level of reasoning as I was- blurted out, “Puh-lease!! ‘Zahranis’ are known for that.” They laughed and continued their racist comments. I was too shocked. It was unexpected.

I went home and discussed what happened to my siblings and to my never ending surprise, they laughed and didnt see anything wrong with it.

I don’t know if I am the only one but I was offended! Him being a Zahrani had nothing to do with the murder. His act was wrong and he deserves to be punished. However, what ever his motive was, I bet my life that his last name was not part of it.

The type of racist comments those people said about the “Zahranis” are the same type of racist comments many people said about Islam and the Muslim world after the 9/11 terrorist attacks took place. You see why this is so shocking and why I can’t fathom this?

I’m going to stop. I don’t know what to say anymore.

People keep on surprising… and not the kind of surprise you get in a birthday party.

Question of the day

This question has been running through my mind all week. Lets say a time machine exists and you decide to take it for a ride to the year, umm, to the year where the most rigorous task of the day is herding sheep. Most of us would be fascinated, intrigued and awestruck. But, we’d be on the next time machine heading back to 2009. We’d never want to live their lives. I mean, no internet, no high blood pressure, no movies, no ADD, no coffee, no cars, no pollution. It’s not normal!

However, lets say a person from that time period visits 2009, what do you think they’d choose? (This is what studying for exams does to ya, bear with me )